林榮峰 | Emily Lee
Oil painting 24″ x 20″
求主帶領我
「客西馬尼的禱告」（The Prayer in Gethsemane）是耶穌在被捕前一晚，於橄欖山腳下的客西馬尼園所做的深切禱告。這段經文記載於新約聖經四福音書中，特別是「馬太福音」26:36–46、「馬可福音」14:32–42 及「路加福音」22:39–46 的描寫最為詳盡。
耶穌在最後的晚餐後，帶著門徒來到客西馬尼園，對他們說：「你們坐在這裡，等我到那邊去禱告。」祂說：
「我父啊，倘若可行，求你叫這杯離開我；然而，不要照我的意思，只要照你的意思。」
——《馬太福音》26:39
耶穌也會憂傷、恐懼，也希望避開苦難，但同時祂完全順服天父的旨意。這段禱告，成為基督徒順服神旨意的最高典範。
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1979年的某個星期天，我靜靜地坐在紐約86街教會昏暗的長椅上。在那深沈的氣氛中，我像耶穌一樣，誠心地禱告：
「主啊，求祢帶領我們全家離開紐約，不論去何處，我都願意接受。一年後等我們回來，我們將是一對為祢聖工服事的夫婦！」
禱告完畢，在回家的路上，我對外子說：「你不是一直想放個休假年嗎？」
他反問我：「妳不是剛開始一份很喜歡的新工作嗎？妳捨得放棄嗎？」
我笑著說：「我比較不重要，我倒覺得你需要休息，也需要換個環境。」
他聽了很高興，一路哼著歌回到家。
當晚，他立刻打電話回台灣母校──台大心理系，沒想到系主任當即邀請他回台大服務。
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時間回到1969年5月，那時我們剛在Ohio結婚不久，便開著一整車的結婚禮物開始搬家向西。我們穿越Indiana、Illinois、Missouri、Kansas、Oklahoma，終於來到德州奧斯汀——一座美麗的城市，也是德州的首府。那裡有「南方哈佛」之稱的德州大學。
我們找到房子，搬入新家。外子進心理系教書，我則進圖書館系修課，過著單純規律的日子。 1971年 的四月我挺個大肚子，第一次見到了74歲從新竹獨自搭機來美的婆婆，那時我們都開心的等待著七月即將迎來第一個兒子。
1971年夏天，為了讓孩子在更具東方人背景的城市中長大，我們又舉家搬往紐約，先在Brooklyn安家，後來長住在Staten Island。
婚後十年間，我們深感主的看顧。我們的兒子兩歲時，迎來妹妹的出生。外子的教職也從市立大學 Brooklyn College and Graduate School，從助理教授逐步升為副教授、教授，最終獲得永久職位，還被選為系裡聘任委員會的成員。
每個主日，我們都開車到曼哈頓86街的台灣基督長老教會（Union Church）做禮拜。外子身為長老，經常開會，回到家時常常已是天黑。
1979年，教會決定聘請一位全職牧師，聘牧小組成立，外子被推為召集人。從問卷調查、分析數據，到聯絡候選人，他白天忙學校，晚上打國際電話回台灣，事工推進順利。
有一天禮拜結束後，原本應是公布牧師人選結果的時刻，卻迎來不少質疑：「為何已有Part-time牧師，還要另聘全職？」那一刻，一切似乎又回到原點。
我知道，這樣的場面令他難受，他總是設身處地為人著想，不喜衝突，這種張力、耗神的工作和生活，已讓他的健康拉起紅燈，我非常擔憂。
我知道，若我們繼續待在紐約，他依然會如此忙碌、無法休息。他才39歲，但身體和心靈已經疲憊不堪。
於是，在那昏暗教會的長椅上，我再一次低頭禱告，像主耶穌在客西馬尼園那樣地禱告：
「主啊，求祢憐憫，求祢保守，求祢為我們開前面的路。我要先學會放下，把一切順服交在祢的安排中。」
阿們。
Lead me, Lord
The Prayer in Gethsemane refers to the earnest prayer Jesus made on the night before His arrest, in the Garden of Gethsemane at the foot of the Mount of Olives. This passage is recorded in all four Gospels of the New Testament, with the most detailed accounts found in Matthew 26:36–46, Mark 14:32–42, and Luke 22:39–46.
After the Last Supper, Jesus took His disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane and said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” Then He prayed:
“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.”
— Matthew 26:39
He experienced sorrow, fear, and a desire to avoid suffering. Yet He was wholly submissive to the will of the Father. This prayer has since become the ultimate model of obedience to God’s will for Christians.
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One Sunday in 1979, I sat quietly in a dim pew at the church on 86th Street in New York. In that heavy silence, I prayed sincerely, just as Jesus had prayed:
“Lord, please lead our family out of New York. Wherever You send us, I will accept it. When we return a year from now, we will be a couple dedicated to serving Your ministry!”
After the prayer, on the way home, I turned to my husband and said, “Haven’t you always wanted to take a sabbatical?
He replied, “But didn’t you just start a new job you really enjoy? Are you willing to give it up?”
I smiled and said, “I’m not that important. I think you need the rest and a change of environment.”
He was delighted and hummed all the way home.
That very evening, he called his alma mater—the Department of Psychology at National Taiwan University—and, to our surprise, the department chair immediately invited him to return and teach.
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Let me go back to May 1969. Shortly after we got married in Ohio, we packed a car full of wedding gifts and began driving west. We passed through Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Kansas, and Oklahoma before arriving in Austin, Texas—a beautiful city and the state capital, home to the University of Texas, often dubbed the “Harvard of the South.”
We found a house and moved into our new home. My husband began teaching in the Psychology Department, while I took courses in the Library Science Department. We lived a simple and orderly life. In April 1971, while heavily pregnant, I met my mother-in-law for the first time—a 74-year-old woman who had flown alone from Hsinchu to the U.S. At that time, we were joyfully awaiting the arrival of our first son in July.
In the summer of 1971, hoping our child could grow up in a more Asian-heritage-friendly environment, we moved to New York—first settling in Brooklyn and eventually making our long-term home on Staten Island.
During our first ten years of marriage, we felt God’s special care. When our son turned two, we welcomed a daughter. My husband’s academic career also progressed steadily—from assistant to associate and eventually full professor, earning tenure while serving both Brooklyn College and the Graduate Center of the City University of New York (CUNY). He was later elected as a member of the department searching committee.
Every Sunday, we drove into Manhattan to attend the Taiwanese Union Christian Church on 86th Street. My husband, an elder in the church, often stayed late for meetings, so we frequently returned home after dark.
In 1979, the church decided to call a full-time pastor. A search committee was formed, and my husband was appointed as the convener. From conducting church-wide surveys and analyzing the results to contacting pastoral candidates, he worked tirelessly—handling school duties by day and making overseas calls to Taiwan at night. Everything seemed to be progressing smoothly.
But on the day the final pastoral candidate was to be announced, a wave of unexpected questions arose after the service: “Why are we seeking a new pastor when we already have a part-time one?” In that moment, it felt like everything was back to square one.
I knew how difficult this was for him. He was a thoughtful and caring person who disliked confrontation. The emotional strain and relentless pace had greatly affected his health. I was deeply worried.
I also knew that if we remained in New York, he would continue this same exhausting pattern, with no rest. He was only 39, but both his body and spirit were worn out.
So, once again, I bowed my head in that dim church pew and prayed like Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane:
“Lord, have mercy. Please protect us. Please show us the road ahead. Teach me to let go and wholly submit to Your will.”
Amen.